Category: Dating and Relationships
Hey all,
I have a quick question. Is anyone else going through a long distance relationship, and it's just really hard? I'm not saying anything to knock the relationship I have with my bf, but when we're together it's wonderful, and it feels like the best thing on Earth and nothing can split us apart, but when we're not together, it feels kind of different. Like when he goes out and plays in his band with his friends or whatever you wanna call them, I get a little jealous and wish I was there with him, or wish that I could enjoy listening to. It's just hard to listen over a cellphone because it doesn't give the best audio clearity. I have already talked about this with my bf, and he says that maybe we just need to see each other again, but we'll have to wait a while. I knew that this distance thing was gonna be hard because I've been through it already, it has been a long time. I was in a very long relationship with one person for almost 4 years, then in one more from 5 or 6 months after that, not one right after the other though. So I guess I wasn't really use to it, but I thought I could get use to it. But this guy is really a great guy, and I just want things to work out. He said he realizes the pain hasn't hit home until recently about how much he misses me to because he had to travel back to Canada and all that. Oh yeah, and I forgot to say that's the other problem, the damn borders separating us. It's so expensive to get a passport, even though we're both going to do it. I can't believe it's over a hundred bucks to get one here, even though it's only $80 to get one in Canada. Well, I think i've said enough. I'm sorry for going on and on here. I usually don't do this publicly. I just wondered that if anyone else is in a long distance relationship, how do you keep it going? And how do you keep to be interested in each other and not just break up? I don't want to just throw this away either, but sometimes I do wonder if it's right. But like I said, when we're together it feels right. If anyone out there can help, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Thanks.
I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm currently in a long distance relationship, and my previous two relationships were long distance.
I agree that it's so difficult, liking a person, but being so far away, even if they live across the state. And sometimes you do wonder if it's right, but if you really want to stay with the person, and you like them that much, you'll do it.
As for keeping it interesting, just talk about different things and send each other gifts if that's what you're into.
Going through a local relationship is one thing, but I think it takes some guts to go through an ldr. Frustration exists in both, but some people need that physical intimacy and personal encounters to keep things going. It's tough.
Thanks for the advice. I think that's good advice, except here's a problem. He thinks we've ran out of things to talk about when we were getting to know each other, we'd spend hours on hours talking and it was so much fun talking, and he was so full of energy then. And now we sit here, and sometimes don't know what to say to each other. So I ask him if he wants to watch a movie or read a book or do something, and he's like I dunno. And I'm like, well, I'm not mad, but it seems that I always pick what we do. I just want us to be equal you know? I thought, maybe we don't have much in common, and that's something that I obviously want, because besides all the love and connection that you can share with someone, you have to have some things in common, or you'll drive yourselves crazy. But anyway, he can't send me gifts because he's in major debt, well not major, but a little, and he needs to pay that off first. I don't have much money because I'm saving up for my passport. my birthday is coming up on the first of May and I might be alone for my birthday for the second year in a row. I keep telling myself that it's ok, I can handle it. But I wish I could have him here with me. We both know that we miss each other, and we think if we see each other if might help, but he thinks that we just exhausted all of our options, and he doesn't have a long attention span, so I dunno what to do. Anyway, if anyone has any more advice, let me know. But I appreciate help so far. Thank you so much for that.
Having things in common is always good, but differences make things much more interesting.
I understand that for many people, conversations can sometimes be difficult. My boyfriend and I never seem to run out of things to talk about; there's so much. We talk about each other's family, recent stories we've heard and our opinions on them, and we sometimes even have these ongoing debates. And debating isn't for all, some people turn it into a flat-out fight, so it's not always a good idea. Books, movies, and TV shows are good topics too. I don't know, I can make a conversation out of anything.
I don't know how often you two talk to each other, but if you find yourselves not being able to talk about much, don't talk to each other as often. I know that sounds horrible, but if you don't talk everyday, it allows more time for things to occur, which could be conversation-worthy.
hmmm.... that might be a good idea. I guess maybe I put so much emphasis on talking to him a lot because I want him to be a big part of my life, but maybe that's a good idea. I should mention that to him and see what he says. Thanks. I hope your relationship works out to.
heyy!
LDR's are hard, and some might even say that they don't work, or they don't last. Yes most don't work out, but why be negative before even trying it out.
Anyway, my man and I live far from one another, and it's hard as hell. I'm here in the States and he lives in SA. It's hard when you miss them so much, and always want to be with them on the phone so much, but you've got to remember that sometimes talking too much can actually kill a relationship. Like you said, you guys run out of things to say, and i think that a big part of that is that you too need time to live your lives and then come back to one another and tell each other about the small incidences that happened. It's going to be the coming back to each other on the phone or skype that is the best part. Trust me... When you two are away from one another, yes, you're gonna miss him, yes, you're gonna think about him, but also try and enjoy yourself, take pleasure in the small things.
I was in an LDR before the one i'm currently in now, and I was so rapped up in the guy. I would spend hours upon hours on the phone with him, and ended up missing things that I wish I hadn't. Like family occasions, playing with my nieces and nephews, just talking to my lonely little sister, and now, everyone's growing up, time slipping by so fast, so enjoy moments like these, and when you come back to him, tell him about it, tell him about what made you laugh, smile, sad, just talk, get to know one another, if you two are serious about each other, talk about things that matter, your family, job, ect. ...I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but yeah. Talking to him like I said, could potentially ruin the relationship cause you end up taking each other for granted, you end up pushing others away, you don't get to live, you don't go out! I'm not saying don't talk to each other at all, but learn to have a balance. don't even know if i'm making sense...
As for being alone for your birthday, i know that's hard as hell, but maybe you guys could work something out later in the year. Or just think, you won't always be alone forever. I always believe that if two people wanna have their LDR work, they gotta work at it, just like any other relationship.
For my 18th birthday I had so much hope, for my 19th, i was just so depressed and sad, and I'm hoping that my 20th birthday will be so much better. Relationships are hard no matter if their local or long distanced.
As for being jealous, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, I guess I don't understand the whole being jealous. Doesn't it just matter that he's having a good time? And at least you are on the phone? Maybe you could have him bring a digital recorder with him to also record it, so that he can send it to you over the comp so you can hear it much better? just a thought! Anyway, enough of my rambling! Good luck in your relationship and hope things work out!
Kia
Yes, what you say makes sense. No I'm not mad at him for going out and having a good time, but I think it's a good idea to have him record it somehow. I don't know why I didn't think of that. I guess neither of us do much in our lives because neither of us have jobs at the moment, and I don't have any family here in MN, and his family he could care less about, so we don't really talk much about that. I use to talk about when I lived at home, and I'd tell him what I'd talk about when I'd call my family since they don't call me, but enough said about that. But yes, I think it's a good idea to not talk so much, and that way maybe it might go a little better. But I might not be alone for my birthday after all. I get more money for S S I next month, so maybe he can come out here next month and I can see him in July, and if not, then one of my friends that I have said he'd spend time with me if I wanted. I just have trouble making friends in person since I'm shy and I don't know what to say sometimes, lol. In a way I'm glad I have the dog, since it's an ice breaker, then we can talk about other things than just the dog. So anyway, I think it will all work out. Thanks to those that have written back, and if anyone else has any more ideas, feel free to tell me if you want to.
Kia, I think she meant that she was jealous because other people like his friends and his band are with him, and she isn't. Not that she wants to still him away from them, but they spend so much more time in person with him than she does. But I totally see where you come from on the whole be-glad-he's-having-a-good-time part.
Awww'ww, it's ok, in person, i'm also really really shy, and it's hard for me to make friends, but yeah, good luck!
good better best, never let it rest.
if you find a good partner for yourself, if you both are satisfied and if you both trust each other, either he or she's from local or anywhere in this world, keep it up. and, if someone feels only the physical relativity is the only need for a relationship, I can promise that you will never get satisfied even if your partner is your neighbour and he or she is sleeping with you for 24-7.
As per my personal opinion, a matured relativity is not only with the physical intimacy. there are many many things in it. ldr's may be difficult but for those who have patiency and for those who are matured to deal with it, it will surely work out if both of you got confidence on each other.
these days we got many ways for communicating or cybering with our partner, though. so prefer which one works for you and spend time with your partner with that way. whether skype? msn? aim? phone? whatever you like.
So a great jindhabath for ldr.
Raaj.
ldr's are hard, but my first meaningful relationship was LDR. Sending gifts via mail is a really cute and sweet thing to do. Find things to do online together, whether it's playing a game like miriani or all in play, watch tv together. But too, each party needs space. there's nothing more frustrating than feeling like you're tied to that computer all day long. I am iffy on the "don't talk for a while" idea. I think that's wise, but you have to be careful that that doesn't get out of hand and you start drifting apart.
I can relate on the jealousy thing. my BF lives across state and during the college year I see him about once a month or more. When he goes out to hang with friends or out to dinner with family, I'm jealous because those people get to be with him, he's having fun and I can't be there, but they can. It takes great energy and imagination to make an LDR work, and kudos to those who do it.
Raaj, I wasn't saying that some people go into relationships just for the physical intimacy, although some do. But I was saying that some people can't handle ldr's because they feel they are truly close to their partner when they can hold, kiss, hug, or massage them. When they need to be comforted, their partner is right there with them. Some people need that and don't think they could handle a relationship without it.
Well, it's not that I feel that I can't handle a relationship without being physically together, but we both feel that when we're together, it's when we feel more connected I guess. I talked to him about some of the things we are all saying on here, excluding names obviously, and he said that he's afraidof us not talking because he loves the closeness we have, and he's afraid we'd lose it. So I think we'll keep talking, just not for hours a day like we use to a long time ago. We do watch movies and tv together and read books sometimes, but he didn't grow up watching tv or movies. The only tv show he really grew up with was startreck. Whenever he'd ask his dad or brother what was going on on the tv, they'd sware at him and tell him to keep his mouth shut and why does he always have to worry about what's happening? Isn't that just horrible? I feel bad for the life he grew up in, but I guess I thought I could try and help him make his life better. He said he felt like a different person when he was here, that he could try and build a better life for himself if he were to ever move to the US. So I'm not sure of what's going to happen. But I think I made a friend today that lives in my building, which'll help because when he does stuff with his friends, I can go hang out with mine, if they want to that is. So I guess we'll just see what all happens on here. But I'm really going to try and hang in there and see what happens in the future, especially when we see each other next. Just talk about how we feel and what's going to happen to us.
I think the 2 most important things in any relationship, but especially in a LDR, is balance, and communication.
I think you need time away from your telephone, pc, and ultimately your partner, cause remember, even though you are in a ldr, you still remain 2 different entities, with different likes and dislikes.
Allowing one another enough space to "move and breathe" so to speak, is vital, in any relationship.
When you are together, whether it's physically, or on the phone, or what ever, cherish the time you're together, ... talk, lots, about anything meaningful to you and to your partner.
Work towards a time and place when you'll be able to physically meet one another.
Don't be afraid to share your dreams, and be open to what your partner wants to share.
And sometimes, try to find things you 2 can do together online, regardless of what it is, just make sure that both of you enjoy what you are doing.
Listen to music, share simple things with one another, and, when you're away from one another, look forward to the next time you'll speak to one another, but, important, don't get so caught up in your ldr that you miss the small things that goes on in your immediate world every day.
Do I make sense?
Well, if I repeated what's already been said, my sincerest apologies.
I understand what that's like, I've been in a couple long distance relationships, and right now I am currently single, trying to be with someone. I know it's hard, but as long as long as you guys are both commited, things can work out
Oh and one more thing I forgot to add in my previous post, is, you have to absolutely trust your partner 100%, especially cause this thing is long distance.
You cannot always be there with him/her, and if you cannot trust your partner completely, you might as well give up this ldr thing.
I know it can be hard, but, it's worth the effort, ... In my humble opinion, of course.
The majority of Ldr's don't tend to work, but I wish you all the best.
Hey
I am actually after swearing love off for good getting involved with a woman who is living in Indiana and I in Florida. With me the last 2 and a half one went down the drain when I actually moved out of the apt we shared to get a new job. I am hoping this summer when Kijuana and I meet things get off to a good start. I found that talking is good but little emails, gifts, and things are good too. hope everyones work out.
Hi. I've been in two LDR's, and they are not easy. However, both lasted for about two years each, so we must have been doing at least something right. The first broke up because of the distance, the second because of other issues. However, I think communication is key to an LDR. It doen'st mean you have to spend every waking moment on the phone or Skype or whatever. Q gave the best advice on that. But when you do talk, make it count. It's a little worrisome that you already feel you two have run out of things to talk about. How long have you been together? Forgive me if you said, and I missed it. At any rate, I do understand your jealousy of times when he's playing music, etc, and you're not there. It's not jealousy because someone else is a threat to the relationship, just envy that others get to be with the one you love, and you don't. I know it's not easy. I hope you two can hang in there.
Hey SisterDawn,
We've been together for almost 8 months now, and he's coming to see me for my birthday! I couldn't believe it. I hope that it makes things a little better and we can actually talk about things face to face. I told him before, that when I first met him and even after a few months, you were different. He had lots to say and he was so happy and upbeat, and that's what attracted me to you in the first place because I like people like that. Anyway, I dunno what happened to him, but at least we're going to see each other in about a week and a half, so I hope everything will work out. I'll post again soon.
Well, I am in a long distance relationship. I am dating Brandon Misch of Cincinnati, Ohio. We've been dating for fiv months now, and I've seen him once when he flew up to visit me for tne sdays.
I am going to fly down to his house this summer, so that'll be fun. But I also know how hard it is to be in a long distance relationship, since this isn't the only one I've been in.
i fully agree with what Q and Kia both said, so i won't go back over it again. i kno for some people distence does matter, but that's a personal thing. however, good luck on your relationship, and i hope all this advice is helping you, in one way or another. i myself have been in long distence relationships in the past, and yes, it is very hard, unless you fully trust your partner. i also understand that you want to be with him when he goes out to have fun cause you want to feel included, but if your going to see him again, you can have fun with him then, and that'll be something only you and he can share in...something special for the both of you.
I've been in an LDR of sorts for 7 monts as of tomorrow, lol. It hasn't been easy going at all at times since me and Bf Kris're between 150 and 216 miles apart a lot of the time, me stuck down here at mum's in Surrey for the time being and him up at his parents in North Lincolnshire or hard at work as a computer technition come screenreaders tutor in Nottingham with the Nottingham Royal Society for the Blind, although I have actually been with him for nearly 3 months of our relationship, though restrictions such as cost, room and time for our respective families to put either me or Kris up in the spare room here or at his place have meant we've been forced to spend 4 months apart and it isn't always easy keeping coms going, the most important part of any relationship, so we're both in our own ways, desperately trying to find the ideal two-bed flat or house either in North Lincs or Nottingham so we could either take in a lodger or just have the second bedroom as an office, clock room or studio, since Kris now has quite an expansive collection of around 28 clocks. 23 chimers and 5 non-chimers which kind of need their own room to spread out, lol. So far, there's a 4-bed terrace which appeals to me, although I'm not sure if Kris has even set eyes on it yet, lol. If we were to go for that though, we'd take in another friend who's also on the waiting list with a well-known housing association and getting nowhere as a consequence, lol. So there you have it, an LDR, soon hopefully, not to be an LDR any more.
I was in an LDR, but it just wasn't working. I had to break it up.
Most of my relationships have been LDRs and none of them worked. The first was with a girl who led a much too sheltered life with her arents. THere's nothing wrong with that in and of itself except that she let her folks control basically every aspect of her life. The last major relationship I was in, aside of course from my engagement two summers ago, was an LDR. And by Major I simly mean the amount of time we were together, nearly a year-and-a-half. That girl betrayed all the trust I gave her when she got o one of those phone chat lines and met another guy, whom she slept with and got pregnant and then lied about it for several weeks. Needless to say ever since then I've had problems with trust and I've begun to wonder if I'm emotionally suited to long-distance relationships.
Yeah, after that, it's understandable that you may have issues with trust, or issues with trust and ldr's. So maybe try a more local relationship?
It's okay to try different things, but when something's not working for you, you gotta try something else.
I judged the person I broke up with too quickly and harshly. we've made up and apologized, and I've set some boundaries so I don't feel tied to this laptop all the time, as if I have to be there constantly.